“Hatred should never be used to fight hatred. Never!” – Siam, Canaan Anime
When you feel like a piece of dog shit being scraped off the floor, you grow to despise yourself.
You start to despise your life. Unhappiness starts to creep up on you…
And that self hatred eventually drives you to bully others who are “happier” than you are. Or whatever it is the bully is lacking in their lives.
The natural response if you’re a victim is to hate the person who’s bullying you. Or even hate yourself.
That makes sense.
That being said, what is the goal of a bully? And how can it help you if you’re being bullied?
Knowing what and why a bully does what they do can help you avoid it all together. This isn’t a full proof plan, of course.
There are many other variables and different types of bullies. But soak in these 7 reasons why bullies bully.
Then you’ll be able to approach and deal with it better since you’ll have a greater understanding of what’s happening.
Not to mention why it’s happening!
7 Goals Of A Bully…
1. To fill the hole of unhappiness they have
Have you ever seen a happy person bullying somebody? That’s about as rare and impossible as seeing a unicorn running across a busy road.
Happy people don’t bully, hate, despise, or try putting others down. Bullies are the opposite.
Bullies have personal issues and problems just like the rest of us.
The difference is – they can’t deal with it, so they find a way to fill the missing “void” of happiness by trying to crush your happiness.
There’s no worse feeling than unhappiness. This doesn’t justify it, but it’s one of the main reasons bullies bully in the first place.
2. To feel superior
“Everybody loves to find fault, it gives a feeling of superiority.” – William Feather
Bullies feel inferior. They feel LESS than the person they’re bullying. Bullies feel pathetic, hopelessness and sadness inside.
To overcome this feeling, they pick out people (who seem weaker) to bully.
A bullies goal is to make their victims feel even less important than the bully feels about themselves.
If you do something, and nobody challenges it, it gives you a feeling of power and superiority.
You feel as if you’re the man in charge and you’re the one calling the “shots”.
That’s what happens when you have poor self esteem. When your self esteem is long gone, you lose power.
And unfortunately, some of us seek that power through weak-minded methods.
3. To act bigger than they actually are
In the mind of a bully, they’re Goliath and you’re David. Or at least that’s what they’ll have you believe through their behavior.
Truth is: on the inside they feel small, insignificant, and as worthless as a used piece of toilet paper after doing a number 2.
Similar to my last point about superiority, If a bully makes you feel “small”, they’ll feel “bigger” and more “powerful” even if they’re really not.
If you can wrap your head around this fact, there’s nothing a bully can do to hurt you.
And there’s not a thing you’ll be afraid of that a bully could dish out verbally, or physically.
It’s all a mental game. David knew this, which is why David defeated Goliath regardless of how “big” Goliath was in comparison.
4. To make their presence known
Before you can know I exist, I first need your attention. Depending on how badly I want your attention, and how I go about getting your attention, reflects how high or low my self esteem is.
When it comes to bullying, a bully’s top priority is to make their presence known to you.
If they don’t make themselves known, they’ll have a better chance of winning £100 million by playing the national lottery than getting your attention.
Once a bully has your attention, they feel important, wanted, powerful, and worthy.
And depending on how you react to what a bully says or does, you’ll prove they’re important by giving them the attention they crave.
On the surface a bully is a scum bag. A hater. A negative person. But below the surface, they’re suffering from a “lack” of attention, love, or whatever it is that’s missing from their lives.
How knowing this can help you overcome bullying
I’ve been bullied before. I know the experience first hand, and from a third person perspective.
I know of the thoughts that go through your mind.
Thoughts like –
“why is this happening to me”
“what did I ever do wrong”
“What’s wrong with me?”
And similar thoughts and feelings you’ll experience if you’re going through it.
But by knowing these 4 points, my aim is to open your mind and help you understand what you may not have before.
The problem isn’t you. You’re NOT the issue, or the reason they decided to bully you. Pick on you. Hurt you. And make your life miserable for no good reason.
The reason is THEM.
The bully is the person with the problems, issues, pains and misery. And you (or anyone they can find) are nothing but stress relievers.
It’s not easy or simple to overcome bullying, but I will say this:
If you know deep down what’s happening isn’t right, then fight back.
Even if that means getting physical. Even if that means standing your ground, shouting, or giving a bully a taste of their own medicine.
Or any other way you can think of that will help. Because even if you report someone who’s bullying you, it won’t end there. Another person will try bullying you.
No matter what you do, stand your ground and have a voice. The stronger you become mentally, the more bullies will be driven out of your life until they’re no longer able to bully you.