The Problem With Self Esteem: Why We Struggle With Evaluating Our Own Worth

The Problem with Self Esteem

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. – Malcolm S. Forbes

The problem with self esteem?

The concept of self-esteem is internally flawed.

Why?

Because to value your own worth, you need to view the world objectively.

To have self-esteem means to be confident in one’s own abilities. To respect oneself in a positive manner.

To say that I “have” or “don’t have” self-esteem is a limiting, self-fulfilling thought.

Because regardless of what our abilities are, we’re the ones deciding whether we’re meeting those standards.

We’re also the one’s deciding what the standard is that we’re not living up to.

You can never have self-worth as long as you’re defining self-worth with an image of a person you’re not, and might never become.

 

As long as you think you need to be someone you’re not in order to believe in yourself, and you believe you don’t have the traits or characteristics that you imagine, you’re creating a gap between yourself.

Not to mention a gap between who you believe you need to be for you to have self-worth.

The true problem is the gap can never be filled as long as you don’t have any self-worth.

The quote by Malcolm S. Forbes at the beginning of this article gets straight to the point of this beautifully.

 

All self-esteem really is, is a subjective belief about ourselves

The same way everyone has a different idea attached to the meaning of religion, education, and fitness.

And how our view of beauty, what’s right, what’s wrong, and what defines proper morals and values is different, we all associate different things with ourselves in light of what we think we are.

At the end of the day, the difference between my self-esteem and your self-esteem has nothing to do with what each of us has accomplished in our lives.

If I have a positive association with my life and my ability, regardless of what that ability and potential actually is, I have self-esteem.

By contrast, it doesn’t matter whether I’ve cured cancer, made 10 trillion dollars, or created products used by people all around the world. Not at all.

But if I have a negative association with myself, caused by my own self-created notions of what bringing value to this world means, I can never have self-esteem.

 

Becoming an individual who loves and values yourself is about accepting the outcome of your life thus far. And understanding that the voice in your head telling you what your worth doesn’t actually exist in reality.

We can’t change our past – but we can change our relationship to what we believe our life has become up until today.

We all have the ability to change what we believe about the outcomes of our lives so far. And that by itself has an immense impact on the outcome of our future.

So stop comparing yourself to others. Stop believing what you already think about yourself. it’s all in your imagination.

Once you realize that the concept of self-esteem is a subjective notion, you realize you have the ability to create any image of yourself that you want.

And when you truly believe you can change your relationship to your own identity and past actions, you will find a way to love yourself.

That’s the problem with self esteem. But once you come to this realization, you’ll be in good hands.

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Ariel Banayan

Ariel Banayan

Ariel Banayan is an attorney, and a healthy lifestyle entrepreneur. His writing has been published in many publications including Inc., and Observer.

He recently launched a Kickstarter the Master Your Morning Sidekick Journal – a journal that provides you with the information and motivation you need to become a morning person and implement the perfect morning routine into your life, every day.
You can follow his writing on his blog at Habit Nest, and on Quora.

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