When your self confidence is buried 6 feet under, what do you do? How do you react? Do you attempt to dig it back up, only to realize it’s a wasted effort?
How do you deal with it? Do you start beating yourself up, treating yourself like the used Banana skin you’ve thrown in the garbage?
And how do you figure out the cause of why your confidence has dropped so suddenly?
Here’s the truth: your self confidence doesn’t drop suddenly. It doesn’t happen randomly like pigs falling out of the sky.
When your self confidence seems to have dropped unexpectedly, it’s because it was already dropping overtime. It’s just you’ve now felt the repercussions of it all at once. And the weight of that feeling is difficult to carry.
I know that feeling all too well. These are the 4 things that cause you to lose your self confidence, so you can make the changes.
1. Because things don’t turn out as expected
Imagine building the relationship of your life with the person you love.
You’re sure of them, you trust them, they’ve proven themselves, and you expect to be with this person for the rest of your life. And you seal the deal through marriage because you’re that sure of yourself.
Now imagine somewhere down the line that person cheats on you, betrays you, then demands to divorce you. As if you’re the one who’s in the wrong.
How would that make you feel? How pissed off would you be? And more importantly, what would that do to your self confidence after it’s all over?
When things don’t turn out as we expect them to, our self confidence suffers a blow to the head. A blow to the head so painful that most aren’t willing or able to move on from that experience. And will maybe never pursue another relationship or marriage ever again.
This isn’t because of the expectation itself, it’s because of what we attach to the expectations we have.
When you attach your self esteem to an expectation or outcome, and it doesn’t materialize, it hurts more than it should.
And in some cases some will self harm, commit suicide, or simply never recover from it. Or have the courage to stay strong and keep persisting until you get what you’re after.
Don’t attach your self esteem to your expectations. That’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
2. Because of constant failure
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. – OG Mandino
Imagine starting relationships with girl after girl, guy after guy, and having them fail every single time. Eventually it’s bound to hurt your self confidence.
What about If you pursued a career in the music business for 10+ years, yet all you had to show for it was a little success and too many failures?
Failure is like a sad story, repeating over and over again. Some people can’t bare to hear the same story over and over again, and many of us are destroyed by that same story of failure being repeated constantly.
That’s why so few of us are able to push through our failures long after everybody else has given up. It’s hard, but if you have a weak mindset, and you don’t train your mind in the right ways, you’ll give up and abandon your self confidence along the way.
Work on your mindset, and change your perspective. If you change the way you see things, the way you deal with it will change. Then you’ll have the courage and persistence to push through until you find a solution.
3. Because of rejection
The worst feeling in the world is knowing you did the best you could and it still wasn’t enough. – Unknown
Could you pitch your book to more than 800+ publishers, be rejected by every single one of them, and still have the confidence to keep going? That’s what international best selling author – Seth Godin did.
What about pitching your articles 100’s of times to different publications online? And then being rejected? I’ve done that.
Rejection hurts as much as being punched in the face does. Rejection is the one of ugliest things without a face that we all deal with.
And sometimes, rejection isn’t fair. But don’t let that be the reason you give up, quit on yourself, quit on your desires and quit on your dreams.
Rejection hurts, but don’t attach your self esteem to it. Otherwise you won’t just lose your self confidence, you’ll have trouble regaining your self confidence. And that shit ain’t pretty.
4. Because you don’t know what you’re doing
Knowledge breeds confidence. Confidence destroys fear. – Unknown
If we both played a game of chess, and you were an expert at it, you’d have 100X more self confidence than I would. Why? Because you know what you’re doing, and I don’t!
The same is true if you’re doing something new for the first time. Or you’re learning something you’ve never learnt before. If you don’t know what you’re doing, it’ll show up in the self confidence department.
You’ll be afraid, nervous, unsure, a little scared, and even uncomfortable. But when you know what you’re doing and how to do it, you’re confident and enthusiastic about what you’re doing.
To gain more self confidence, you need to learn a lot, practice a lot, take time to understand it, and know what you’re doing. A fisherman who knows how to fish will always beat the fisherman who has no idea how to fish.
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