4 Things You Want People To Care About (But They Actually Don’t)

4 Things You Want People To Care About (But They Actually Don't)
Image courtesy of - Sodanie Chea via flickr.com

I needed a way to start this off. So I went over to the Manchester evening news site and noticed this headline:

Money laundering conman who tricked bank into giving him £345,000 mortgage is jailed

4 Things You want people to care about

It’s said he’ll be going to jail for an entire 6 years of his life.

How many people will be giving a fuck about him while he’s behind bars? 

You might say – few people will care, because he asked for it.

But the truth is – whether he asked for it or not, his situation is no different to many of our own problems and circumstances.

The same way few people will be giving a fuck about his problems is no different to how people don’t care about your own problems.

Generally speaking.

Think about the problems you’re facing right now. And think about the people you’ve shared your problems with. Then answer this question:

Do they really care? 

Or are they just being sympathetic? (which is another way of politely saying – “I don’t really care”

If you’re being honest with yourself you’ll realize few people actually do care. At least In a genuine, no bullshit kind of way.

And wanting them to care doesn’t change the fact that they could care less.

Here are 4 Things you want people to care about (but they actually don’t). 


1. The fact that you’re being bullied 

Whether you were deaf (literally), had speech problems, or something other it didn’t matter back in school.

If you were fat then you’d be bullied until your spirit was crushed like an apple being run through a blender.

If you had speech problems or stuttered, they’d insult you for their own entertainment.

And the crazy thing is this is even worse outside of school.

Some of us (as adults) watch victims of bullying be bullied right in front of our own eyes. And do nothing.

And yet these same people will scream “it’s so terrible, why would someone do that to another human being”.

When I was bullied, nobody cared. Not even friends who were supposed to be friends.

Not even teachers who witness it care enough to do anything or say anything. And this is true in 2017.

And that’s why bullying is such a big issue in today’s society.

 

2. Your weight problems 

People protest because tuition fees keep rising. Fair enough.

But I’ve never heard of people protesting to help people who are overweight (or underweight).

Have you? 

I can tell you why that is.

Nobody cares. 

When it comes to being overweight/underweight, most people say things like:

  1. It’s your fault for eating junk food.
  2. It’s your fault for not exercising.
  3. It’s your fault for being fat.
  4. It’s your fault for not eating enough food.
  5. Etc.

And that’s not even the worst of it. The article below says it all:

After Losing 80 Pounds, This Woman Was Body-Shamed by Lululemon Employees

As sad as this truth is, it’s still the truth. And that’s why I have so much respect for those who overcome such challenges.

 

3. Your failures and mistakes 

These days they love to claim failure is a good thing

I hate to admit it but I digested this belief and made it my own. Until I realized the implications of that belief before throwing it back up from the bottom of my stomach.

A few years ago a guy in the North West of England lost his job. The job was a big deal to him. I think he was in his 40’s or 50’s.

I can’t say whether being made redundant was intentionally his fault but I can say this:

He left a note for his wife, stood on top of a bridge, jumped off and committed suicide. 

The reason I bring it up Is because – how many of that man’s colleagues or friends (before he killed himself)  actually cared about his job loss?

How many of them cared about his “failure” to keep his job? Or any potential mistakes he made that his colleagues may have known about?

Nobody cares about your failures or mistakes. 

If the same man who lost his job had started a business that ended up becoming the next Facebook for example, everybody would have been kneeling down and kissing his ass.

Most people only care about your successes. 

If there are no successes than your failures have no meaning.

It’s true people can relate to your mistakes, love you for it, and even benefit and take inspiration from it, but without any successes to add to your failures, few people will truly give a fuck in the end.

And if you don’t believe me then take a look at any big name celebrity or business who’s gone bankrupt and never recovered from it.

4. Racial stereotypes and prejudices you have to deal with 

If there are 5 candidates for a job, and you’re the only person with a different skin color, what are your chances?

In some cases it won’t matter.

But what if the employer is secretly racist? 

This is the truth for anybody in Western society. Especially if you’re….. I’ll let you fill in the blanks.

And even though there’s truth to what I’m saying, and even though there’s no way to know whether someone turns you down because they’re secretly racist, nobody cares. 

Of course some people care, but how many truly care? That is the question.

And as long as too few people care, the mountain of success will remain a hill so steep, that it’ll take a ridiculous amount of time before massive progress is made with the way people think.

7 Genuine Reasons Why People Are Driven To Tell Lies

7 Genuine Reasons Why People Are Driven To Tell Lies

There are three types of lies. Lies, damn lies and statistics. – Unknown

I have an embarrassing memory of something I did when I was maybe 7+ years old.

I went to the supermarket after school had finished to get a Kit Kat.

You know, as in the Kit-Kat chocolate bar.

While I was there, I picked something else off the isle. A large pack of crisp or a big bottle of fizzy drink.

I can’t remember what I picked up other than a Kit-Kat.

The thing I picked up off the isle? I stole it.

I put it in my school bag. And as I was on my way out of the supermarket a 6 ft security guard stopped me.

“Open your bag” he said in a no BS tone of voice.

At first I tried lying my way out of it, but then realized there was no escape and it was time to admit I’m in the wrong.

And so I did. I opened my bag and fessed up.

After that I left feeling embarrassed with myself. As If I was stripped naked in public.

 

Nobody is a saint. And no one has “never” told a lie.

You might read this and think – “wow, what a terrible child you must have been.”

And I’d say you’re full of shit. 

You lie, I’ve lied, we’ve all lied so fuck all of that hypocrisy bullshit people are so used to spouting these days. Because before a person becomes a saint or a truth speaker, the opposite has to have been true beforehand.

With that being said, let’s get to the bread and butter of this post.

 

7 Genuine Reasons Why People Are Driven To Tell Lies

 

 

1. Because we’re afraid of what people will say

Remember what happened with Ingrid Nilsen? Ingrid Nilsen revealed back in 2015 that she is gay.

Knowing what kind of society we live in, can you blame her for keeping it a “secret” for so long?

It doesn’t matter what dark secrets we have that we’d rather not tell anybody.

Whether it’s being gay, being an X criminal offender, the fact you’ve been in jail, or a belief that most people disagree with.

People are driven to lie without hesitation when they’re afraid of what people will think or say. Especially when the people they’re lying to are friends or family.

After all, revealing your secrets could mean the difference between ruining a relationship, a friendship, a job/business opportunity, or something else that’s valuable.

 

2. When it’s too risky to tell the truth

Examples:

  • If I tell my girlfriend I’ve been cheating on her, she’ll leave me for sure.
  • If I tell my employer I’ve been stealing from their company, I’ll never get a job ever again.
  • If I tell my my parents that I’m secretly gay, they’ll disown me.

It’s not exaggerated to say things like this are real in some people’s lives.

When what you say has a dangerous amount of risk attached to it, what do you do?

Even If you’re intentions are pure (and you’re not in the wrong), people are driven to lie when the risks are too high.

 

3. Lack of trust

If I don’t trust you, then why should you be deserving of my truth?

I guess that’s one way to look at it.

Some of us have been victims to horrific things like rape, molestation, knife crime, homelessness, and the list goes on.

And when you think of how small minded and ignorant people are in this world, it’s no wonder victims of these types of things find it hard to share their truths with anyone.

If you don’t trust another human being, you’ll lie to them or shadow the truth. It’s as simple as that.

 

4. To test your legitimacy

According to Statistic Brain:

  1. 60% of people lie at least once during a 10-minute conversation.
  2. 80% of women admit to occasionally telling harmless half-truths

I’m not saying this to justify the lies, but I will say the reason why some people lie is to test your legitimacy.

For dozens of reasons, some human beings can’t be trusted. But instead of blindly judging a book by its cover, some of us lie to test the legitimacy of another person.

And in some ways, doing this makes it easier to form a logical judgment.

I mean, what If you decided to test the legitimacy of the guy/girl you’re dating? And by doing so, you find out they have a history of something you don’t want to associate yourself with?

Then you’ll have saved yourself an unbelievable amount of time, stress and headache.

Time is priceless.

 

5. Consequences

“The actions one takes are answered by the consequences waiting at their conclusion.” – C2

Actions have consequences.

If I walk into a nightclub and pick a fight with a random guy, I’m asking for trouble. And that trouble, one way or another will have it’s consequences.

Lying and telling the truth is no different.

What If you’re an X offender applying for a job. Do you tell them you’re an X offender and hope they won’t judge you for it?

Or do you lie to them, or better yet, not tell them you’re an X offender because you’ll have a better chance of being employed?

What If you’re a kid in high school who knows how to hack, and you “hack” your way to good grades.

Do you tell them that you cheated, knowing what kind of consequences are at stake?

Those 2 examples might be extreme. And I’m not saying any of them are right or wrong.

That’s not for me to decide.

But the point is – actions have consequences, and it’s the motivation behind the lies people tell. Sometimes.

 

6. To protect others

What If telling the truth meant putting your life, or the life of a person you care about in danger?

Would you do it?

Unless you despised them, you’d be crazy to do that, right?

And that’s the 6th reason why people are driven to tell lies.

When it comes to those we love and care for, we’d do anything to make sure they’re safe.

Sometimes we’ll even risk our own lives to protect them.

Or we’ll do something less painful and more convenient – we’ll lie to protect them the same way a mother protects her new born baby.

Our reasoning isn’t always right.

What If the person we’re protecting (by telling lies) cheated on their wife or husband? Is it right to lie about that?

On the other hand – what If the person you want to protect has done nothing wrong, but telling the truth would put their life at risk?

The intense drive to protect others is a legitimate motivation to tell a lie.

 

7. When backed into a corner

“If you find yourself at a dead end and there’s no other options left, doing something the wrong way might do the most good.” – Junko Kaname

If there’s one thing that’s true about human beings – it’s when we’re backed into a corner, it either makes us or breaks us.

And another thing that’s true is – if you’re backed into a corner, and lying will save you, you’ll do it without hesitation.

Think about it.

If the cons outweighed the pros, and lying could turn everything around for you, would you lie?

I’m not claiming you will, or that everybody would in that situation, but the thought would cross your mind.

Especially if it meant the difference between survival or death.

 

Why people are driven to lie:

  1. Afraid of what people will say.
  2. Too risky to tell the truth.
  3. Lack of trust.
  4. To test your legitimacy.
  5. Consequences.
  6. To protect others.
  7. When backed into a corner.

 

Got something to say?

Go ahead and leave a comment or Tweet me on Twitter.

When You Gain The Confidence To Stand Up For Yourself

When You Gain The Confidence To Stand Up For Yourself

Bullying affects 1.5 million people in the UK. Or at least it did throughout 2016.

I remember being in high school when I dealt with verbal bullying.

Two guys decided to make me the “joke” of the day, and started to mock, disrespect, slander, and insult me for their own pleasure.

But then the day came when I decided to not tolerate that shit anymore.

We were in gym class that day, and the verbal bullying began as if this was a part of their daily routine. But little did they fucking know I wasn’t fucking around with them anymore.

I punched one guy right in the face. He never seen it coming.

Afterwards they tried acting out and playing “tough” guy (since there were more of them), but that was it.

They never dared fucking with me ever again after that eventful day.

 

When You Gain The Confidence To Stand Up For Yourself…

I stood up for myself and took back the control I gave away like a charity donation. And I took back my self confidence by force, even if for a moment or two.

This is just one event in my life related to standing up for myself.

 

So what’s the purpose of me telling you this? 

If you don’t stand up for yourself, you’ll continue to be….

  1. Treated like shit.
  2. Bullied.
  3. Verbally abused.
  4. Treated as if you’re inferior.
  5. Miserable.
  6. Too afraid to take risks.
  7. A slave to other people’s demands and opinions.

There are scum bags in this world who would rather see you crumble into a thousand pieces and die, than to see you thrive and be as happy as a cartoon character.

Those are the facts. Denying it would mean denying yourself of the confidence you’re capable of having.

And until you stand up for yourself, and rise above the opinions of others, and decide to be happy instead of being a slave to people’s problems or demands, you’ll never have the confidence you deserve.

Refusing to stand up for yourself is one of the biggest enemies of self confidence.

There are 7 billion people on this planet, and not all of them are nice people. But as long as you don’t stand up for yourself, you’ll end up just like them, if not worse.

So what’s it going to be? 

Will you kick fear in the face and reclaim your power? Or will you cower in the face of fear and let it pummel your self esteem until there’s nothing left of it?

Only you can decide. And you know what the right decision is to make.

How To Practice Self Improvement During Your Drive to Work

How To Practice Self Improvement During Your Drive to Work

You’d be hard-pressed to find people who genuinely love commuting to work. Most just endure their journeys because they know there’s no other option.

If you can relate, rest assured there’s no need for your commute to feel like complete drudgery.

In fact, you can use that time to become a better person.

Keep reading to learn how…

 

1. Mentally Sort Out the Day’s Responsibilities

Statistics indicate 89 percent of workers waste time at the office by taking part in non-work activities.

Some of that time might be used up on activities that aren’t truly related to work, such as chatting with coworkers by the water cooler or checking in on Facebook notifications.

However, some time-wasters may have trouble getting into the work mindset because they’re unsure which tasks to tackle first.

Instead of just diving into responsibilities head-first, they use minutes or even hours planning or prioritizing their task lists.

Enable yourself to start working as soon as you arrive at the office by mentally making a task list and prioritizing items that need completing.

By using part or all of your commute to do that, you should find you’re not under as much pressure.

Once you get to the office, people will likely start pulling your attention in all directions, but when you’re confined to a car or other mode of transportation, your time is still mostly your own.

The more you create mental to-do lists, the easier it’ll be to continually improve your work output because you’ll know precisely which tasks to start first.

 

2. Learn a New Language

Maybe you’re headed to a foreign place for a vacation soon, and still don’t know even the most basic phrases in the native tongue.

If that’s true, devote your commute to expanding your linguistic skills.

Many manufacturers offer language-learning materials in MP3 or CD format, so they work well for listening in the car.

Even if you see no practical need to learn a new language, there are numerous reasons why doing so is good for your brain.

Researchers have found that, compared to people who only speak one language, individuals who are at least bilingual tend to have better memories, find it easier to switch between tasks quickly and demonstrate better listening skills.

 

3. Practice Mindfulness

Driving is the most stressful way to commute, but even if you get into the car every day and head to work, there are things you can do to avoid feeling frazzled upon arrival.

One of them is mindfulness. 

People often misunderstand mindfulness and think it’s about emptying the mind and entering a hypnotic state.

In reality, mindfulness is based on being present, rather than thinking about the past or future.

That’s the safest state of mind when behind the wheel, because it could help you stay alert.

Mindfulness may also encourage a healthier perspective that carries over into your work.

When practicing mindfulness in the car, start by simply being more aware of the things you hear, see and feel.

You could even add gratitude to this practice by realizing how thankful you are for seemingly simple things – like the feeling of warm sunshine on your skin, or the fact that you can travel to work inside a warm car on a cold winter day, rather than walking.

 

4. Listen to an Inspiring Podcast

how to practice self improvement during your drive to work

A podcast could offer a great pre-work soundtrack, especially if you choose one delivered by someone you look up to in your industry.

Data shows 21 percent of people listen to podcasts, which is the same percentage of individuals who use Twitter. 

Realizing how popular podcasts are, many notable figures in the worlds of business, self-help and pop culture regularly release podcasts.

By listening to one of them on your way to work, you could gain words of wisdom to help you feel more positive and informed.

 

5. Set Goals

how to practice self improvement during your drive to work

Maybe your commute has you feeling so frustrated you’ve nearly had enough, or perhaps frequently find yourself thinking – “There’s got to be more to life than this!”.

In those cases, set goals during your commute that could take you from where you are to where you want to be.

Americans spend approximately 42 hours stuck in traffic each year, so you may as well use some of those hours to figure out what you can do to make life more bearable.

It should be clear that your commute doesn’t need to be wasteful, and could even be wonderful if used well.

Change your mindset about getting to work, and start using the time to your advantage and become a better person.

 

How To Practice Self Improvement During Your Drive to Work:

  1. Create a mental to do list.
  2. Consider learning a new language.
  3. Practice mindfulness.
  4. Listen to an inspiring podcast.
  5. Set goals that matter

 

Have a question? Share your thoughts! 

Get It All Done: How To Start Finishing The Things You Want To Do

Get It All Done How To Start Finishing The Things You Want To Do

We have all been on the same page paying for the gym, attended an online course, bought an e-book and then just failed to get it all done.

Sound familiar?

I had the best intentions, to become better and use the new skills to earn more and support my family even more. But I failed.

While these failures occur in the long run, it happened on a daily basis too. Probably happened to you also.

I believe you’ve had those days, waking up motivated and ready to kick some butt, but didn’t get it all done.

Why is this happening to us? What are we doing wrong?

In my experience, working with people all the time I found four main reasons why we don’t get it all done…

 

1. Too much optimism

While there’s nothing wrong with confidence because it motivates us and gives us a boost on a personal level, too much of it is counterproductive.

We overrate ourselves and fail to make a realistic estimation of the tasks we need to perform.

It is good to be optimistic and expect things to be done in a reasonable period, but we are not able to do 2 – 5 times more than what we can. At the end when we try to squeeze in the task, we fail and optimism beats us.

 

2. What about the little things? Do you count them? 

This goes hand in hand with optimism. When we try to estimate our working or learning power, we do not consider the little things.

Things like the bathroom, lunch time, phone calls, emails, driving from point A to point B, getting gas, laundry, getting dressed.

These are all time-consuming tasks, and we must perform them. There is simply no way of avoiding them.

So, next time when you want to be super productive and get it all done, do account for the little things, too.

 

3. We fail to face resistance

We have hopes and goals but all of a sudden when we hit resistance (someone will tell you not today, the order is late) we fail.

It’s in our behavior to return to our comfort zones and do nothing about it.

Every task has pros and cons, but by avoiding it entirely, you won’t be able to get it all done.

 

4. It all depends on the environment

Get it all done means being in a positive atmosphere.

If you work in a team and all of the team members are positive and willing to help each other, the chances are quite big that you will finish everything on time.

But if you’re procrastinating, and nobody knows about that, resistance will beat you, and that’s it. This also applies to self-employed people when they struggle and most of them quit.

 

What is the secret of getting it all done?

There is a solution which will help you to use that gym pass, finish your course and e-book…

 

To get it all done, you only need to understand these suggestions:

1. You only have 4-5 hours of productive timeGet it all done

Make estimations based on that, not on your full work time. Consider the small things or the small tasks we’ve mentioned before.

Organize better, see how much time the little things consume from your day.

2. Reserve those 4-5 hours for productivity

You cannot allow anything to compromise that time, or you’ll never get it all done. Reserve time for those small things, too.

3. Combine the little things into one, if possible

Cut them out or combine them because your estimations could be wrong in regards to how much you think you can get done.

4. Cut the distractions

Get rid of distractions like TV, social media, surfing online, and you will probably add an extra 24 hours a week for more productive things.

5. For all important tasks and things, create a great environment

Find someone supportive to you who will motivate you to get it all done. Not all at once, but gradually striving to finish it in a reasonable time.

6. When you’re ready to focus and start doing the important things, face resistance

Yeah, stare it in the face of that “old lady”. She isn’t so scary.

Look deeper, find the reasons why you want that particular thing done and keep going forward. Once you learn how to face resistance only the sky is the limit. And doing the important things will be easier.

 

I hope that you will find my viewpoint of why we don’t get it all done useful and these suggestions will help you to finish whatever you’ve started so far.

When you feel like you are losing focus come back to this article and see what the reason is.

Trust me, when you read it again, you will smile because you will know what’s stopping you from getting it all done!

 

Do you have some suggestions on how to get all things done on time? Please feel free to share it with us and our audience.

We would love to hear how you handle things and we are always open to learn new things from someone else’s experience.

Don’t quit on your dreams. You can do it!

What Is The Goal Of A Bully? 7 Things You Should Know

What Is The Goal Of A Bully 7 Things You Should Know
Image courtesy of Amanda Lyn Dorner via flickr.com

“Hatred should never be used to fight hatred. Never!” – Siam, Canaan Anime

When you feel like a piece of dog shit being scraped off the floor, you grow to despise yourself.

You start to despise your life. Unhappiness starts to creep up on you…

And that self hatred eventually drives you to bully others who are “happier” than you are. Or whatever it is the bully is lacking in their lives.

The natural response if you’re a victim is to hate the person who’s bullying you. Or even hate yourself.

That makes sense.

That being said, what is the goal of a bully? And how can it help you if you’re being bullied?

Knowing what and why a bully does what they do can help you avoid it all together. This isn’t a full proof plan, of course.

There are many other variables and different types of bullies. But soak in these 7 reasons why bullies bully.

Then you’ll be able to approach and deal with it better since you’ll have a greater understanding of what’s happening.

Not to mention why it’s happening!

7 Goals Of A Bully…

 

1. To fill the hole of unhappiness they have

What is the goal of a bully
Image courtesy of Martin Walls, via freeimages.com

Have you ever seen a happy person bullying somebody? That’s about as rare and impossible as seeing a unicorn running across a busy road.

Happy people don’t bully, hate, despise, or try putting others down. Bullies are the opposite.

Bullies have personal issues and problems just like the rest of us.

The difference is – they can’t deal with it, so they find a way to fill the missing “void” of happiness by trying to crush your happiness.

There’s no worse feeling than unhappiness. This doesn’t justify it, but it’s one of the main reasons bullies bully in the first place.

 

2. To feel superior

“Everybody loves to find fault, it gives a feeling of superiority.” – William Feather

Bullies feel inferior. They feel LESS than the person they’re bullying. Bullies feel pathetic, hopelessness and sadness inside.

To overcome this feeling, they pick out people (who seem weaker) to bully.

A bullies goal is to make their victims feel even less important than the bully feels about themselves.

Why?

If you do something, and nobody challenges it, it gives you a feeling of power and superiority.

You feel as if you’re the man in charge and you’re the one calling the “shots”.

That’s what happens when you have poor self esteem. When your self esteem is long gone, you lose power.

And unfortunately, some of us seek that power through weak-minded methods.

 

3. To act bigger than they actually are

What is the goal of a bully
David vs Goliath

In the mind of a bully, they’re Goliath and you’re David. Or at least that’s what they’ll have you believe through their behavior.

Truth is: on the inside they feel small, insignificant, and as worthless as a used piece of toilet paper after doing a number 2.

Similar to my last point about superiority, If a bully makes you feel “small”, they’ll feel “bigger” and more “powerful” even if they’re really not.

If you can wrap your head around this fact, there’s nothing a bully can do to hurt you.

And there’s not a thing you’ll be afraid of that a bully could dish out verbally, or physically.

It’s all a mental game. David knew this, which is why David defeated Goliath regardless of how “big” Goliath was in comparison.

 

4. To make their presence known

Before you can know I exist, I first need your attention. Depending on how badly I want your attention, and how I go about getting your attention, reflects how high or low my self esteem is.

When it comes to bullying, a bully’s top priority is to make their presence known to you.

If they don’t make themselves known, they’ll have a better chance of winning £100 million by playing the national lottery than getting your attention.

Once a bully has your attention, they feel important, wanted, powerful, and worthy.

And depending on how you react to what a bully says or does, you’ll prove they’re important by giving them the attention they crave.

On the surface a bully is a scum bag. A hater. A negative person. But below the surface, they’re suffering from a “lack” of attention, love, or whatever it is that’s missing from their lives.

 

How knowing this can help you overcome bullying

I’ve been bullied before. I know the experience first hand, and from a third person perspective.

I know of the thoughts that go through your mind.

Thoughts like –

“why is this happening to me”

“what did I ever do wrong”

“What’s wrong with me?”

And similar thoughts and feelings you’ll experience if you’re going through it.

But by knowing these 4 points, my aim is to open your mind and help you understand what you may not have before.

The problem isn’t you. You’re NOT the issue, or the reason they decided to bully you. Pick on you. Hurt you. And make your life miserable for no good reason.

The reason is THEM.

The bully is the person with the problems, issues, pains and misery. And you (or anyone they can find) are nothing but stress relievers.

It’s not easy or simple to overcome bullying, but I will say this:

If you know deep down what’s happening isn’t right, then fight back.

Even if that means getting physical. Even if that means standing your ground, shouting, or giving a bully a taste of their own medicine.

Or any other way you can think of that will help. Because even if you report someone who’s bullying you, it won’t end there. Another person will try bullying you.

No matter what you do, stand your ground and have a voice. The stronger you become mentally, the more bullies will be driven out of your life until they’re no longer able to bully you.

Related Post: Unhelpful Bullying Advice People Need To Stop Recommending

7 Legit Mantras To Live By That Are Seriously Helpful

7 Powerful Mantras To Live By That Are Insanely Helpful

Follow your passion.

Be yourself.

You can do anything!

Have an attitude of gratitude.

Think positive.

You’ve no doubt had these mantras shoved so far down your throat, that your stomach was being tickled.

That’s because everybody pukes these mantras all over the internet, and even in the “real” world. Regardless of whether they’re useful to follow or not.

Am I knocking these mantras? A little, but not entirely.

Some mantras are legit, and some of them are exaggerated and unhelpful.

But these 7 no BS mantras to live by? They’re the real deal.

No fluff. No sugar coating. And certainly no fucking around…. Because that’s just my kind of style. 😉

 

1. Fuck It

You had a bad day today? Fuck it!

Your last relationship ended on a bad note? Fuck it!

You’re pissed off because Donald Trump is the president? Fuck it!

You’ve been made redundant for no fault of your own? Fuck it!

You started a business, went out of business, and you’re now in massive debt? Fuck it!

You woke up to some tragic news that you can’t do anything about? Fuck it!

You set a goal and didn’t achieve it, and you’re feeling disappointed? Fuck it!

Your best friend cheated on you with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Fuck it!

You managed to get a massive client, only for them to abandon the deal last minute? Fuck it!

 

The magic of two words

Whatever issues, problems or troubles you’re dealing with, fuck it! Life goes on. Moping and crying and bitching and complaining about it won’t fix it.

And if it’s not possible to fix it, you’d be wasting your time trying to. So fuck it! Move on and focus on what matters.

 

2. Does it matter?

Does it? How often do we go through the day, doing things without questioning whether it matters or not?

That argument you had the other day…. What If you asked yourself – “does it matter” before it started. Would the outcome have turned out differently?

The business you’re working on right now. Does it matter?

The job you’re holding down… Does it matter?

The questions you keep asking… Does it matter?

The things you keep complaining about… Does it matter?

The things that are pissing you off everyday… Does it matter?

The videos you watch on YouTube… Does it matter?

The university course you’re studying… Does it matter?

The reasons behind your actions… Does it matter?

Because if it doesn’t matter, then what are you really doing?

 

3. Work harder on yourself than you do on your job

This is taken from Jim Rohn, who goes on to say:

“If you work hard on your job you’ll make a living. If you work hard on yourself you’ll make a fortune.” – Jim Rohn

Repeat it everyday and do it non stop. Repeat it so much that your lips fall off your face. And your vocal cords wear out.

You’re the best investment you’ll ever make in your life. And that’s why this mantra matters.

The more you work on yourself, the better your results will be. If you refuse to work on yourself, then you can expect things to remain the same and never improve.

 

4. Just Be Real

If a person I meet can’t handle my past or my truth, they doesn’t deserve to be in my future. Because I refuse to be anything other than real.

If you can’t just be real, regardless of the circumstances or people around you, then you’re living a lie. You’re living someone else’s life, not yours.

Where’s the fun in NOT being real just to satisfy others, and making yourself an unhappy fool in the process?

This is my mantra, and I believe it’s a mantra we all should follow. There’s no real happiness or self worth without it.

 

5. The easier it is, the less rewarding it’ll be

Can you think of something that’s jam-packed with rewards, and yet is incredibly easy to do? Of course you can’t. No such thing exists.

That’s because the easier something is, the LESS rewarding it will be.

Even winning the lottery is hard.

In the UK there’s a 1 in 15 million chance of winning the lottery. And that doesn’t even guarantee you’ll be swimming in boat loads of cash if you do win.

Selling drugs and making the “quick” cash is easy. But the cons that come with it aren’t worth the rewards.

Look at Harvard University. Not everybody will get in there. Why? Because the rewards are so big, and the difficulty reflects that.

What about starting a business that ends up being as big and profitable as Facebook? Extremely hard, which is why the rewards are tremendous.

Why do you think it’s so easy to have a one night stand these days? Because the rewards are so pathetic, which is why the task is so damn easy.

There’s little, if any exception to this mantra. Live by it. And burn it into your brain like a tattoo.

 

6. What If I succeed?

Scared to start a business?

Terrified of approaching the girl/guy you like?

Afraid of applying for a high paying job?

Think you’ll fail that “blog” you want to start, that you’ve been holding out on?

Uncomfortable asking a customer for a referral, because you don’t want to be “pushy”?

Hesitant to start a crowdfunding campaign online?

In situations where you’re afraid of failing, or things not working out.. Keep this mantra in mind:

What If I succeed?

Every time you come across something you’re scared of, say – what If I succeed?

The great thing about this mantra is…. It keeps you focused on the positive, and the possibility of success.

It locks your mind onto a positive outcome, as opposed to an undesirable outcome.

Make this one of your mantras to live by.

 

7. I’ll figure it out

“Everything is figure-outable.” – Marie Forleo

You know what most people do when faced with a challenge? They say things like….

  • I can’t do this!
  • It’s impossible!
  • I’m not good enough!
  • I’ll never be able to do it!
  • It’s too hard!
  • I may as well quit while I’m ahead!

But few of us will say – I’ll figure it out. 

4 Simple words. And yet these 4 simple words keep you focused on what matters and what’s possible.

This mantra declares that you’ll figure it out, no matter how hard or difficult it seems.

Saying I’ll figure it out is a declaration of commitment.

You declare that you’ll figure it out and overcome the obstacle, regardless of how big, ugly or problematic the obstacle is.

If there’s any 1 of these mantras to live by, let this be the one you takeaway from this post.

 

To finish off this post, here’s a bonus mantra by the one and only – Bugs Bunny. 😉

“Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.” – Bugs Bunny

Feel Beautiful About Your Body When You Look In The Mirror

How To Feel Beautiful About Your Body When You Look In The Mirror

“Real beauty isn’t about symmetry or weight or makeup; it’s about looking life right in the face and seeing all its magnificence reflected in your own.” – Valerie Monroe

I hate you!

I can’t stand you anymore!

Look how stupid you are when you cry!

These words hurt us more when we say it to ourselves than when others say it to us.

Words like that were my negative beliefs created from similar words which I heard from others when I was younger.

As time goes by it gets worse and we start hating ourselves, hating our bodies, feeling ugly and feeling stupid.

I hated my skinny little body, because I BELIEVED those words were true.

We all are creations from love and kindness but negative beliefs push us away from our truth.

Everything that’s happened to you, and is happening now is just a reminder that you need to go back to who you are for real. The real you that’s been buried deep inside you since childhood.

When I was a child, I was so sensitive. And if I didn’t like the color of someone’s voice I felt like they rejected me, so I allowed myself to be a victim to what others would say.

My school friends, people who I met back then, and everybody else who had something to say about my looks, none of them liked my thin body.

I couldn’t look myself in the mirror because I always saw ribbing, and the negative comments from others didn’t help.

I tried to resist it but it didn’t help at all.

The more I resisted and wanted to run away, the more negative people and situations came to me with those humiliating words – “Oh, my God, you’re so skinny! Don’t you ever eat anything?”

How would you feel if someone told you things like that? And how would you answer?

I admit that I never had good answers for questions like that. Eventually, after years of listening to the same questions over and over again, I started to laugh.

At the beginning I was crying. It was just me against the whole world who pointed their fingers at me and said – “You’re not worthy of living because you are so thin!”.

I felt unworthy because I was so physically imperfect.

And when I first laughed at their comments and teasing, I felt a great sense of relief.

I know that my heart laughed, too. If it could, it would have told me  – “Laughing is the best answer you can give to people like that, because it feels so good.”

When I told myself – “I am beautiful! I love you, I accept you!” I felt silly at first, and didn’t believe the words sliding out of my mouth.

My inner critic didn’t want me to believe.

And then I started to observe my reflection in the mirror, more and more, while I analyzed myself piece by piece. Eventually I started to love myself for the first time in my life. I could feel it inside me.

It wasn’t easy but it was worth the effort. Now I can proudly say that I love my imperfect body, I feel beautiful, and I don’t say those ugly words to myself anymore.

After all that pain, depression and loneliness, which I have experienced for so many years, I learned many lessons.

And I can say for sure now that there’s no person in the world who can crush me or whose words can destroy my confidence!

I am brave and I love myself enough from the inside, I really don’t need anyone’s approval about how bad or good I look on the outside.

Now I can stand in front of the mirror and see my imperfections and embrace it like something that is so perfect just the way it is.

When you accept your uniqueness and improve it every day by doing things that you love and make you happy, you can be thin, fat, fit, freckles, without some limb, or born with some physical deformation. And it still won’t matter.

The mirror was my biggest enemy. Now we are best friends.

Until I felt pretty, I was attracted to men who weren’t good for me. Nothing ever came of those relationships because I was too shy to speak to them.

When you don’t love yourself, you don’t know what you want out of life, but when you love yourself, you won’t need others to tell you that they love you or that you are beautiful.

The moment I began to accept my looks, good things started to come into my life. One of them is my current husband. I felt even prettier when I knew that he loves me for who I am.

And even now I come across certain people from time to time, who comment on my looks; the difference now in my approach (compared to before) to their comments is huge. Because of the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

And here they are…

 

How To Feel Beautiful About Your Body When You Look In The Mirror – Lessons I’ve Learned:

 

1. What kind of person criticizes and condemns others?

The ones who are insecure with themselves are always judging someone else. No matter how pretty they look, if they criticize your body or anything else, it means that deep inside they are hurt and they need help.

That’s why they feel good when they underestimate someone who is different.

You are trouble to them, an obstacle that needs to be eliminated so that they can feel bigger than you.

If you knew how weak they are in their minds, you would stop feeling so unworthy.

A person who has self-confidence and loves themselves doesn’t treat people badly in any kind of way.

 

2. It`s not your problem, but their problem about how they see you

They see you how they see themselves. You should remember this.

It doesn’t mean that they see themselves as skinny, if they told that you are skinny. But it means they don’t like something about themselves, whatever that is.

 

3. If you don’t accept yourself, no one will

If I don’t love myself, no one will. And If you refuse to trust myself, nobody else will either. Etc.

Acceptance comes from within. Let your energy be perfect with all your imperfectness.

When there is love within you, you won’t feel threatened or in danger of the actions of others. And if you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, then you won’t with others.

When you accept yourself, everything that you wanted others to give you, you’ll be able to give to yourself.

 

4. Don`t run away from your “imperfect” picture. Be true to who you are

The change is more effective when you accept yourself as you are and not how you think you should be. Especially not the way others think you should be.

Every change first comes from love.

If I had not accepted myself, I’d still be lonely and desperate and might not even be alive. But I accepted who I am and the fact that I’m not perfect.

Whatever you do don’t ever run away because you can’t run away from yourself!

 

5. Accept your body and talk to yourself with love instead of hate

I’ve done it and you can too.

 

6. Push your ego to the side

Egocentric is someone who loves only themselves, but only in a way in which his Ego wants to be loved.

 

7. You’re more than just a body

You are not your body. Bodies are just our physical creations, borrowed for this life in which, as souls, we belong.

When you realize it, acceptance comes naturally.

 

8. Take care of your body and be grateful for being alive

I feel more grateful just because I’m alive and I always try to improve my inner self more than my outer self.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t cherish my body; I eat healthy as much as I can. I love eating fruits and salads, and when I eat chocolate I also enjoy it. I do stretching exercises in the morning, and sometimes yoga.

What I’m trying to say is:

It doesn’t matter how you look on the outside as long as you feel good from the inside.

Forget about your physical appearance for a moment. Would you love yourself if you were blind? Would you love your body if you couldn’t see?

When you think about this, you`ll find out that there is no pretty or ugly, there are just our beliefs.

 

I don’t know about you, how you look or how you feel in front of a mirror, but I encourage you to look at yourself in the mirror now.

Don’t analyze too much, be aware of your reflection, and look into your eyes.

What do you see?

While you do that, keep this in mind: You’re worth more than you think.

Someone needs you, someone cares about you and someone is sad when he/she see’s you suffering.

To someone you are the whole world, their everything.

Look at the person in the mirror, and realize that SOMEONE is you.

What’s your favorite way to learn online? (Poll)

What's your favorite way to learn online?

Some of us love to learn through YouTube videos, and that’s fine. While others love blogs, books or audio books.

Share your opinions on what your favorite way to learn online is!

Why did you choose the answer you did?

Share your thoughts in the comments!

Being Made Redundant: What It Feels Like To Be Jobless

Being Made Redundant: What It Feels Like To Lose Your Job

I was foolish to NOT have seen it coming. It all ended with the supervisor screaming and shouting in my face, as if he was my own father. And I was his 8 year old child.

I thought – Yeah fucking right…

Is this guy serious?

Then I accepted the fact I was being made redundant a second later. Which is another way of saying they were telling me to fuck off.

So I took my locker keys and threw them. Or something like that.

Then finally I left my ugly blue overalls, got my shit and left like I was a new man on a new mission.

That same day, little did I know that being made redundant would change the direction of my life.

To the point where I not only started pursuing the things I should have earlier, but I discovered things I probably wouldn’t have come across otherwise.

Let’s talk a little more about that, and how it feels…

 

What Being Made Redundant And Jobless Feels Like:

 

1. Being kicked in the balls

Before being made redundant, I was surrounded by toxic people in a toxic environment. An environment where breathing seemed difficult.

Because it was so polluted with negativity, jealousy, hate, and misery, it made it hard for someone who isn’t any of those things (like myself) to deal with.

I’m a cool, calm and collected kind of guy. I’m easy going. Laid back. Care free. And extremely happy in my own skin.

Without sounding like I’m exaggerating, I was the angel in white being suffocated by devils in black.

If you’re a guy, you may know what being kicked in the balls feels like. The pain is excruciating, unbearable, and distracting.

That’s kinda what it feels like to lose your job. Especially if you’re relying on it to give you a regular income, security, or whatever else you expected of it.

But just as with a kick in the balls, the pain goes away within a short period of time.

You start to forget the “pain” that you attach to the loss.

 

You eventually realize that it wasn’t a loss at all.

And the pain you felt in the moment was nothing but an exaggeration, created by fear and worry.

And you start to feel relieved and even lucky that it happened. Because you realize had you stayed there any longer, you would have lived to regret it later in life.

The feeling of being “kicked” in the balls was necessary for me. Because as with any kind of pain that’s excruciating, even for a moment, you never want to experience it ever again.

And that’s what being made redundant did for me. I never wanted to feel or go through that ever again.

A position where someone else has power over you, and at a click of a finger they can rid of you as if you’re a carton of milk that’s reached it’s expiration date. Even if there was nothing wrong with the carton of milk in the first place.

Who wants that? Not me. It was never my intention to go the “job” route, so being kicked in the balls as I’ve put it, is the thing I needed to wake me up and align myself with what I want.

 

2. Someone stealing from you behind your back

Imagine you’re on holiday in Miami, Florida. You’re enjoying Miami beach. The hot air. The eye candy. The time off. The relaxation as you kick back, relax, and gaze into the blue ocean without a worry in the world.

Then you head back to your Hotel, you get a phone call from Family, and you find out your house back home has been burgled.

All your most precious belongings and whatever else you left behind is GONE. As If David Blaine performed a magic trick to make it all vanish.

 

Well, that’s what being made redundant feels like….

When you lose your job:

  1. Your dreams.
  2. Goals.
  3. Plans.
  4. Ambitions.
  5. Future.
  6. Money.
  7. Routine.
  8. Income.
  9. Schedule.
  10. Security.
  11. Time.

And everything related is STOLEN from you. Right under your nose. And you can’t do anything about it to reverse it.

You can’t take back the plans that have been stolen from you. The plans that you had in mind that your job would have made possible for you.

You can’t take back any of it. Because the thief who stole it from you, aka your employer, has already sold it off and there’s no getting any of it back.

Losing your job is the equivalent of burglary. Because like burglary or robbery, it happens so unexpectedly. And for the most part, you’re unprepared before it happens.

 

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow. Redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.” – Billy Connolly

 

What was your experience like? And how did losing your job impact your life?

Share your thoughts!

Keeping Yourself Motivated: 6 Steps That Made A Difference For Me

Keeping Yourself Motivated

A lot of us fall in the trap of losing our habits to eat healthy, exercise regularly, or do what’s important to us. Only to end up without any motivation left to drive us.

 

When you feel this way, keeping yourself motivated is really hard to do.

The question then becomes: How do I go from lacking confidence to becoming confident again, and having a high self esteem?

Follow these 6 steps to help you move forward, motivate yourself, and get yourself out of the “struggling” phase.

 

1. Take it 1 step at a time

If you want to gain momentum again you cannot force everything you’ve stopped doing. Instead, take 1 thing and start thinking about it.

What you can do to get started?

If for example – you abandoned your exercising routine, you might want to consider taking short walks in the morning for as little as ten minutes.

Then eat some fruits and do a few push-ups before you jump in the shower.

Whatever the issue, start with 1 thing, take small steps, and be proud that you’ve started. Give yourself some credit for doing it, and commit to repeating the same routine each day. At a specific time.

 

2. Reach out and ask for help

Moving forward is difficult and not possible if you start off screaming and stressing. So reach out and kindly ask a good friend for advice. Or someone you trust.

Send them an email, text or make a quick phone call. Then explain to them what you want to accomplish and ask them to keep you accountable.

By keeping yourself accountable, you’ll be more inclined to do what you’ve promised to do.

 

3. Dont over promise!

For moving forward effectively in the beginning, promise something easy to your friend and yourself. Like doing a few push-ups and then eating a plate of fruit or vegetables afterwards.

Make it so easy that you cannot say no to what you’ve set out to do!

Then follow up with your friend at the end of the week and share your accomplishments.

Because you’re being held accountable, you’ll feel much better and motivated to increase your actions the following week.

 

4. Use unmissable reminders

Put reminders in places you’re unlikely to miss in the morning. For example, put a background image on your phone emphasizing your routine, put a reminder on the mirror in the bathroom and on the closet. And put one more on your coffee machine.

 

5. Start writing out your accomplishments

If you want you can open your own journal and each day write out all the steps you’ve taken.

When you will feel like skipping a day, open your journal and read what you’ve done to see how far you’ve come.

And if a journal doesn’t work for you, focus on a similar method that works for you.

 

6. Accept your mistakes, and learn from it

We know that it’s really difficult for many of us to learn from our own mistakes.

You need to be honest, admit your mistakes and accept them for what they are. Or even write them out for clarity to prevent them from occurring again.

It will be difficult, it will demand a lot of hustle, but if you dedicate and want to do something good for yourself, you’ve just got to stay committed.

 

When it comes to keeping yourself motivated, what has worked for you?

Go ahead and share your thoughts!

Self Esteem And Knowledge: 3 Reasons To Never Stop Learning

Self Esteem And Knowledge: 3Reasons To Never Stop Learning

Unlike beauty, learning has no limits.

With beauty there’s only so far you can go with how physically attractive you are. And how well put together you are from a fashion sense.

And because of that, it’s easier for us to suffer from self esteem issues. I mean, just look at the amount of teenagers who view themselves as worthless and ugly.

All because they admire celebrities to the point where they feel it’s impossible to ever match up to the “beauty” pedestal they’ve put celebs on.

But when it comes to learning, there’s an unlimited amount to learn. So much so that you’ll be dead long before you get the chance to finish it all.

And the more you learn and gain knowledge, the more self esteem you end up with!

Self esteem and knowledge go hand in hand.

 

Here are 3 reasons to never stop learning…

 

1. With knowledge comes confidence

Why are some people so confident at the things they do? And why is it many of us lack the confidence to do anything?

Ever noticed how some guys can approach women without stuttering or losing their cool?

Or how people in high pressure situations, like a house fire, are able to keep their cool and make it out in one piece?

Knowledge = confidence.

Of course just learning about something isn’t enough. But If you master the thing you’re learning, you’ll know how it works, what to do, what NOT to do, when to do it, and so on.

That knowledge of knowing “how” is what brings out the confidence in all of us. Regardless of how difficult or fucked up a situation is.

We all know how to use a smartphone and make a call for example. We’re confident with that, right?

Some of us are confident drivers because we’ve done enough of it to know how it works.

And that’s why the moment you stop learning is the moment you lose your self confidence. Or at least prevent your self confidence from growing even stronger.

To not learn more is like saying – “Right, I’m done. I’ve got enough confidence as it is.”

Truth is though, if like a sports player you stop doing the thing you’re confident in, then you come back to it later in future, you’ll be rusty.

And that rustiness will cut your confidence in half, because you’ll no longer be good or know enough about the thing you did. So never stop learning…

 

2. You’ll feel good about yourself

When you’re knowledgeable about something, you have permission to brag about it.

As Muhammad Ali said –

It ain’t bragging if you can back it up. – Muhammad Ali

But seriously speaking though, more knowledge equals more self esteem.

Because knowing how to jump out of an aeroplane for example, and landing safely with a parachute…

Or knowing how to do brain surgery on a patient who’s life depends on your skills and wisdom…

Or knowing how to do anything so well that people think you’re some kind of wizard from another planet…

That in itself makes you feel good about who you are. And it makes you feel even better about the thing you’re doing.

Ever noticed how kids react when they do something correctly? They flip out! They get excited! They go bonkers… They do back-flips and cartwheels out of pure excitement.

Because knowing how to do something and doing it right, does just that. It raises your self esteem and confidence at the same time. And that changes your behavior slightly, which others then notice and become attracted to.

Self esteem and knowledge are never too far apart from each other.

The same way you need two legs to walk, you need knowledge to increase your self esteem. That’s why learning is so important!

 

3. You’ll gain more self awareness

There’s a massive difference between a person who knows their strengths, and someone who doesn’t.

Knowing your strengths gives you power and confidence. The reason is – when you know what you’re great at, you’ll spend more of your time doing those things.

And the more time you spend on your strengths, the more satisfied you’ll be.

That’s why it’s life or death when it comes to learning, studying, observing and educating yourself.

It increases your self awareness bit by bit, as long as you’re willing to pay close attention and ask lots of questions to get good answers.

And that in itself gives you more confidence, and raises your level of self esteem.

On the other hand, not knowing your strengths, refusing to learn and pay attention to your actions, and only knowing your weaknesses is no good.

Your self esteem will suffer, because you won’t feel good doing things you’re awful at. And besides, who the fuck wants to feel good about something they’re terrible at anyways?

Self esteem and knowledge is like the brain of a computer. Without the brain, it all falls apart and none of it works as well as it should.

Learn as much as you can (and implement your knowledge), and your self esteem is guaranteed to grow.

 

Related Post: Positive Self Esteem Questions